atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
