I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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