I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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