take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
