Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I AM VODKA MAN
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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