I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
