I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
