My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
