What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
