You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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