Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
