btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
