I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We have started to decorate penises.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
