I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
