Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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