Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
