i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
vagina is talking i cant
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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