I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
