I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
