I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
