My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
