so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
