I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
