...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
