I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
