We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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