I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
