WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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