she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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