I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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