you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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