her vagine was all disorganized.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You have to summon your inner elephant
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
