she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
