The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
