I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
