It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You ruined the universe
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
