Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
