I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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