ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
sarcasm needs its own font
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
