he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
