Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
