I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
