So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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