the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
