I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
