I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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