Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
