this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
