so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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