He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
