It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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