Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so let's talk penis.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
