glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
