and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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