How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Randomize
