I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
