remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
