My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
