We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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