I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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