roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
